This is a tough one

1. not fully understood, recognized, or valued.
   

So, like I stated in my first entry, some of these posts may speak to you and some may not. If this one isn’t really something you deal with, that doesn’t mean tomorrows won’t!

For me, and I know several more of you, this is a tough one. Unappreciated. This is a HUGE feeling. One I struggle with daily! I will be writing this from the perspective of a stay at home mom, but I know that there are many jobs/bosses out there that will leave a person feeling the SAME way. Heck, I have had a few myself! I still say if I could go back to Deming, NM and confront an old supervisor, I WOULD! I would love to tell her what a horrid person she was to work for! Sorry, I’m getting off track here, the point is that there are a million different scenarios that could leave a person feeling this way, but mine is from being a stay at home mom.

I need to start by saying this though, when I was little and some one would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I was your typical child and said your typical things. I remember going through an “i want to be a lawyer” thing most. As I continued to grow up I realized that nothing would be greater than to get married and be able to stay home and raise my children. At the time though, I thought that could never happen. The more I grew up, the more I started understanding how much money it takes to live a “simple” life. I knew that the odds of this were slim so I never really thought it would happen. Fast forward to January 2008. Cody and I had been married for about 2.5 years, I am pregnant with Coen, and I was looking at the cost of things. I figured I was making, at my current job, only a little more than what a month of day care would cost us. After a lot of discussing, Cody and I decided it would be best if I stayed home. MY DREAMS WERE COMING TRUE!!!! I was so excited. I knew that this may not last long and that I might have to go back to work at some point, but as long as God would allow it and as long as Cody was OK with it, I was going to do it! I know to some of you career minded people this sounds a little crazy, but I was so happy. I had visions of morning cuddles on the couch, perfect breakfasts with fresh fruit and hand squeezed OJ, trips to the park, clean and organized home, giggles at bath time, books being read at bedtime, kids who loved their mommy so much, and a husband who would come home from work in the evenings to find me in my apron in the kitchen finishing up dinner, he would wrap his arms around me and give me a big kiss and say, “Hi, honey! How was your day?!”, then we would all sit around the table and talk about our day.    Fast forward to July 31, 2018. I have been a stay at home mom for 10.5ish years. I have Coen 10yrs, Keyton 6yrs, and Karsin 4yrs. Our days go like this…the kids wake up fighting, then they carry the fighting over to the kitchen to fight over what we are going to have for breakfast. Lets just say this is a day where we don’t use the toaster and I make chocolate chip pancakes. So, I make their plates while they fight over who is sitting in what chair, after they eat I clean the kitchen while they fight over who gets to choose what they watch on TV, I yell a little (ok a LOT), get eye rolls, demands for snacks, the house looks like a tornado has struck it. I have a kid needing a nose wiped, one needs their butt wiped, and the other can’t find their shoe that’s right in front of their face! Meals at the table take a lot of work. We do them, but there is not talking. There is fighting about who is eating better and who was supposed to be the one who got to tell dad what ever funny thing may have happened while he was at work, there are quick glances that Cody and I share across the table. Those glances usually are us communication how crazy these kids are.  The days are full of many demands, lots of cleaning, lots of tasks that I do, and VERY little time with Cody. I get absolutely no thanks, no praise, and NO PAY! I chose a “career” where I have 3, THREE, demanding bosses who, I believe, have placed bets with one another on who can make me break first!

Now, do NOT get me wrong. It is not lost on me that I am beyond blessed to be able to stay home and raise my children. I am not unaware that I have an amazing husband who supports me and actually loves that I am home with them. I know that if it weren’t for Cody and his hard work, I couldn’t have my “dream job” (*insert slight eye roll…what was i thinking) Some times, in the midst of all the chaos, I hear or see my kids getting along and being kind to one another and I think, “Wow, what did we do to make God think we deserved all of this?” and then one of my children will fart and I am back to reality!

As great as being a mom is, IT IS HARD!!!! I feel misunderstood and unappreciated the majority of the time. I feel like a doormat. I am here to serve everyone else and get nothing in return. Its exhausting! Some days I wonder, how much longer can I do this? Is this really my calling? Am I not meant to be doing something greater? BUT here’s the thing, raising your children IS great! Its one of the most important jobs on earth! I truly believe that! I do. It sucks, it really does. You spend so much time trying to help your little ones become who they are supposed to be that you loose sight of who you are. I think this is the hardest part. At least for me at the moment. Who am I? What do I enjoy? Do I have hobbies? If I can answer any of those questions, do the answers even matter?

I read a devotional the other day that talked about how this a little. We are here doing God’s work. God gave us the children he knew we needed. The ones he KNEW we could handle. God gave us these children to love, and guide, and teach. These kids aren’t the ones who are thankful for that. GOD IS! I have to stop and remember that from time to time. When I think no one understands how I feel, I am so wrong. There are other moms out there that get it, but most importantly, God knows. Have you ever stopped to think about how many thankless jobs HE has done/will do!? He blesses us everyday and gets no thanks. My hope is that one day when I come face to face with our creator, HE will wrap me in HIS arms and say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”