Jump Back James 1:19

Ok, I am going to go back a little to touch on a topic I already covered the other day. If you didn’t read it you can check it out before going on with this one. Bathe Yourself in Joy

In that blog I discussed choosing joy and not giving power to those around us to leave a negative impact on our day/life. I used the quote, “no one can ruin your day but you”, and though I understand what this quote is saying, I still find myself wondering how we can fight these feelings. This has nothing to do with the person who attacked my blog, I am over that, but I have had a few people reach out to me with their own stories about their situations. I can’t help but wonder how in the world do we put this advice into action. It is so much easier said than done! I have read up on this and I am going to share something that I felt might help put the power back in our hands.

I read about how we always see things through the ‘me’ lens. The ‘me’ lens is the biggest problem of all! Even though I’m over the incident, I will still use it as the example of this post. When I had the negative comments thrown at me over my blog my reaction was to look at the situation through the ‘me’ lens. “Why do they not like me?” “Why can’t they be proud of me?” “Am I that hard to love?” “What did I do to them?” etc….you get the point, me, me, me! What we need to learn to do, and this will be a choice that we will have to make, is to start looking at these situations through the ‘other person’ lens. We should take the focus off of us and look at where it really is…them! ‘Other person’ lens looks more like this “Why were they so offended by my blog?” “What keeps them from loving me?” “Why can’t they see that I am a great person?”  When we use the ‘other person’ lens we may be able to see where this ‘word vomit’ may have come from and seeing that will allow us to use the final lens, the ‘we’ lens. This lens looks at both parties and takes all feelings into consideration. “They must be struggling with something and needed to take that frustration out on me.” “Though the words hurt my feelings, I am not going to take it personally because I know that it really didn’t have to do with me, but rather their own issues.” You get the point? Just seeing things through this lens helps you to have an overall picture of what’s going on, and be less emotionally affected by the other person’s emotions.

Again, that is still easier said than done. It is hard because we have to take the time to make the choice to do this. We have to choose to want to take the power back. We have to do what ever it takes so that their actions don’t cut through us. Then we have to try and figure out what that ‘other person’ lens may look like and at that point we have to see if the ‘we’ lens will require action. Often times it does’t, but in some instances, it may! My ‘we’ lens just helped me realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my post and I left it alone. It also made me realize that this is a negative relationship that I can not waste anymore energy on. This will be easier said than done, but no action was needed. Yours may be different. When you look at the ‘other person’ lens you may realize that you know where their feelings are coming from and then the ‘we’ lens may require you to take action and talk about these emotions with the other party so that you can continue a relationship with them.

Taking control of our feelings in these situations takes action. It takes us being sick of carrying guilt and hurt. We have to be fed up and ready to take that power back. It’s a powerful move. A hard move. But a necessary choice. No one can ruin your day but you…..will you ruin it or control it? Choose Joy!!!!!